Geek Daily

In keeping with the sarcastic tone of my How To Be The Worst Developer Ever post I’m going to explore several ways for managers to systematically destroy productivity among their developers. Unfortunately I am writing some of these from experience, then again, I’m sure we have all experienced some of these at one time or another.

1. Make Them Feel Unvalued By Ignoring Their Advice

Warranted or not, who cares what developers have to say, never mind years or experience and savvy, or blatant evidence that they are right. You’re the manager. You get paid the big bucks to make the big decisions.

2. Keep Them On Their Toes By Changing The Project Requirements

After looking at the prototype they submitted for review, have them implement the dozen “minor” changes that just popped into your head. Hot Shot Trucking Denver . Don’t worry about running those “bright ideas” through a stupidity test, if it goes south you can blame the developers anyway. Be sure to remind them that it is still due next Friday.For maximum effectiveness, be sure to “review” their progress weekly.

3. Keep Them On Their Toes By Changing Deadlines

After dropping number 2 on them, they have the nerve to inform you that your changes don’t make sense and will require major reworking of the entire project. Also, there is no way they can have it ready for Monday. Hmmm. You must quell this little revolution. Inform them that you have scheduled a demonstration with the CEO and are moving the deadline up to Thursday. That should do it. They’ll have to pull an all nighter. They’ll be too tired to question your managerial skills again.

4. Assign Extra Unrelated Work

You get back from a long weekend at a managers conference at the golf club. The project seems to be running smoothly and the developers look a little happy. They must have been slacking off while you were gone. Have someone review the pile of emails in your inbox and respond to the random product surveys vendors send you.Remind them the project is still due Wednesday. Thursday? No. I told you it was due Wednesday. If you can’t keep simple details straight how can I put my confidence in you to get the project completed on time? *alternate execution of number 3*

5. Refuse To Get The Tools They Request

You already provided the team with Visual Studio and something called Subversion, what more do they need? What the heck is Resharper or NHibernate any way? Where do these new ideas keep coming from? Why can’t they just be happy with their adhoc SQL and DataSets? Code completion? Are you kidding me? They want tools that will write the code for them? This is getting out of hand. Perhaps shuffling various team members around will get things back on track.

Disclaimer: For those with no sense of humor at all; this is an exercise in extreme sarcasm.

There are lots of articles about improving your skills as a developer. Everyone likes to talk about how to strengthen their skills and produce really good software. But, what if you want to be the worst developer ever? Nobody seems to want to share those secrets.

In these tough economic times secure your financial future by milking your employer for as much as you can. They’re not really interested in saving money.

Don’t Write Clean Code

Just think, if you write messy code that is hard to maintain then you are creating job security for yourself. The longer it takes to debug and make changes the more money you will be making.

Writing comments in your code, making the code clear and easy to understand just opens the door for someone to steal your job. If it can’t be understood then nobody else can do you job! You might want to keep a cheatsheet or decrypting key hidden somewhere in case you can’t figure out what you were thinking.

Don’t Write Unit Tests

Here is the excuse many of you have been looking for to justify not writing unit tests. Stop whining about unit tests being too hard to write or taking too much time. I’ve got a better reason.

Writing unit tests makes your code to modular and concise. Refer to the point about not writing clean code above. Besides, unit testing will only save you time in the long run. That is not our goal. We are trying to cash in on overtime pay here!

Don’t Read Development Blogs Or Programming Books!

Who needs to learn new skills? Why on earth would you want to do that? Everyone knows that VB6 is good enough and can do anything we need to do. You don’t want to work for those cheap skates that are trying to improve development performance and cut development costs. Nobody needs to use an ORM, you make more money if it takes you longer to write all that code by hand!

Don’t Waste Time Planning Your Application

Get off my back about planning my application. You don’t need to do that, it will just look like you aren’t getting anything done. The sooner you can get a working prototype up and running the happier your client will be. Don’t worry about the future. Your client won’t need new features or find any bugs.

There You Have It

Now that you are armed with this new liberating information, go out there and be the worst developer that you can be. It’s time to put some mystery back into software development!

By reading this post you agree to the following disclaimer and free Geek Daily from any consequences this information may have on your career.

Here is some highlights from this week.

Hijax
When I was originally writing the DOM Scripting book, its scope was very clear – it was to be an introductory work on JavaScript and the Document Object Model, with an emphasis on best practices. I made a conscious decision not to cover advanced topics like XMLHttpRequest.

But as the writing of the book progressed, Ajax really began to explode. It became clear that I’d have to at least mention the subject, even if I couldn’t cover it in detail. That’s where the book’s final chapter came from.

Jason Calacanis, Please Help Me Become A Pathetic Affiliate Marketer
I’m hoping Jason Calacanis can help me out here. Everyone knows that Jason loves to stir up trouble at Internet conferences and he recently caused quite a stir at Affiliate Summit West a couple months ago when he referred to Zac Johnson’s $300,000 check from Yahoo as pathetic.

Simple Subverison Repository Setup with VisualSVN Server
I have a few projects I am developing for my own company and choosing source control has really not needed much discussion. I use Subversion for everything because it’s free, works really well, has great community support and support a wide-variety of clients on many operating systems.

Why I’m a better software developer than you
What makes one developer better than another? Shouldn’t we all be performing at the same level? Of course not, we’re not sewing buttons on an assembly line. We’re using every bit of our intelligence to create something that we can only begin to understand.

In the online, for lack of a better term, world of programming you occassionally encounter bugs or side effects in your code that you did not anticipate. For some of us this happens more often than for others but it is something everyone experiences from time to time. In the context of this online world these side effects are considered negative. You want, and need, for your programs behavior to be 100% predictable every single time it is run or else eventually you’d be out of a job.

This article is, however, not based in the online world but about a real life situation. For those of you that have been chained to your desk for so long, trying to meet a deadline, that perhaps have forgot what that is take a moment to google it.

Just as this is a contrast between the online world and real life this side effect is a positive thing as apposed to negative.

What are you talking about?

Life can deal you some tough blows but every once and a while it passes you that proverbal ace in the hole, usually unexpectedly.

Over the last year or so that I have been blogging I have discovered one of these positive side effects. My writing has improved. What? You made me read all that just to say your writing has improved? Well, yeah. Just like most posts on this blog, this is something that I deem important so here it is in your face for you to read or disregard.

Those that have know me for any length of time know that my grammer and spelling leave much to be desired and I would credit my improvements to services like dictionary.com and thesaurus.com. I am in no way saying that it is perfect yet but it has given me a desire to write.

I get frustrated with my blog sometimes. Sometimes it is because of the slow growth that it has experienced. Sometimes it is at myself for not updating regularly. However, for the most part I find running this blog rewarding. Even though it barely covers it’s own costs I enjoy seeing, and responding to, the comments that it gets. I find nothing more fulfilling than finding out I have helped a fellow coder with a problem. After all developing is all about collaboration and community, or at least it should be.

For the time I played my first game of Commander Keene and Monster Bash I have been hooked on video games. I have owned many consoles in my time from Atari up the last console I bought, and the last I will ever buy, the Sega Saturn. Consoles are great but I have made the decision to stick with PC gaming. I mean, it only makes sense, I have to have a PC for work (and pleasure) so why not just spend I little extra cash to keep it current with the video games I like?Anyways, on with things. From the first time I played a game I have been fascinated by the idea of video games programming. At first I assumed it was something of a dark art, much like JavaScript and PERL were when I first set out to design websites. jcpenney coupon . Those days are gone though, mind you have not produced anything great in way of a video game. The best I could boast is a half baked attempt at Pacman, that failed miserably when it came to AI, but I have learned some things and am not as itimidated by the idea of programming a game.There are, IMO, different levels of difficulty in games programming which mostly depends on what type of game you want to produce. Whether it is a First Person Shooter, online casino games like Texas Hold’em (like my fav at Full Tilt Poker), or a RPG like Zelda, there are different things you need to know about each genre.If you were expecting some great words of wisdom, some advice, or a rockin’ programming tutorial, I am afraid to tell you that you will be sorely disappointed with this post. oh law firm . On the other hand perhaps you should be greatful. Believe me, you don’t want to learn video games programming from me, at least not yet anyways! Cheers

I have desided to hold a contest for users of StumbleUpon. It is very simple to enter and everyone has equal chance to win.

What is the prize?

The prize is 1 of 3 available 125×125 ad slots on the homepage, coincidentally marked “WIN THIS”. The winner will be able to display any 125×125 advertisement, within the bounds of family friendliness, that they wish. The advertisement will be provided by the winner.

How do I enter?

Well, it’s easy, you add me as your friend on StumbleUpon. That’s it? Yup, that’s all you have to do. I will select the 3 winners randomly from my friends list. There are no limitations to entry. Anyone one can enter and there is no limit to the number of users that can enter.

My SU url : justinbezanson.stumbleupon.com

How will the winners be selected?

I will be choosing the winners randomly from my friends list. To make sure things are absolutely fair and above board, I will be whipping up a JavaScript program that will load all my friends and then choose 3 randomly from the list.

When will the winners be selected?

This contest will run for 30 days from tomorrow (March 6th) OR until there have been 75 enties into the contest. The contest will run for a minimum of 30 days even if 75 entries are exceeded.

What are you waiting for?

Well? So get out there and enter the contest and make sure you get your friends to enter to. Depending on the success of this contest I will deside what other great contests I will run in the future.

A part of my daily routine includes skimming my RSS feeds with Google Reader, because I can view only the titles, looking for an interesting title that might peak my interest.

I would consider myself a busy person without time to waste so if you want me to expend seconds of my precious day to read what you have written it had better be good.

These days with so many people posting about there dog and what they has for lunch it can be hard to find a quality blog that will keep you entertained as well as up-to-date on happenings around the world.

That’s why when I stumbled upon (not with stumbleupon though ) ArifsBlog it got me interested with categories like “Entertainment“, it got me to give it a second look.

For some reason I enjoy reading about political and scientic stories that are shaping our future like the race to produce the first 100% man-made geneome. I also enjoy reading rants, whether completely informed or not, they just are entertaining. When you combine the two you have a winning combonation.

I have been following the many stories on Slashdot covering the RIAA and their attempts to prosecute the “evil pirates” through threats of pulling university funding. Anyways, ArifsBlog, keep covering issues like that and I will continue to be a repeat visitor for a long time to come.

I know everyone has been on YouTube at least once in their time on the internet. It’s a great source of entertainment because YouTube.com offers such a diverse range of videos from humorous videos to some that are just utterly pointless. If you want to have some relax after heavy day work, than visit www.turtlesays.com. Here you’ll find most funny videos from YouTube, pictures and funny quotes. Content – both You Tube videos and funny pictures – is safe for children to watch as well. This website is updated daily.

The internet, I believe is a cool place. It meets every criterion. It is educative as well as entertaining. Every so often, I get tired of having to sit and work long stretches at my computer and I take a break. You know what my break is? A game, on the computer. Thanks to the internet, I get to play a different game every other day. I just do a few searches with different internet tools and I find me a new game every time. I never get bored playing these games. I think there is still a bit of a child that remains in me. The games online bring out the child in me.

The internet offers you a variety of games online. Some games are fun as well as educative; I reckon those are the games one should allow children to play with. There are other games that cater to a lot of violence or language. I would recommend that you supervise the kind of games you allow your kids to play with online.

Another great plus point about the games is that they are free. They don’t require you to pay anything. There are many games that give you the option of playing with other players, they are even more fun. You get to play with people residing in the other part of the world. Very often you tend to build a relationship with these players. You even have several tournaments online and you are free to participate in any that you are interested in. I don’t think I ever complain of boredom when I have access to playing games on the internet. I find that there are games that challenge me and there are games that just give me pleasure and are enjoyable, so depending on my mood, I choose a game.

AjaxNinja has posted some great predictions for 2008. It is an interesting list that would change the Web 2.0 landscape if they come true.Could Google actually fail at something? Will we see the end of Yahoo and Ruby on Rails? Only time will tell.

* Google will incur consumer backlash and damage its public image, either by placing its own products at the top of Google search results and damaging the businesses that depend on Google search results or by violating the privacy of its customers for profit;* Googles acquisitions strategy will be publicly called into question if Google continues to make more dubious acquisitions (Jaiku, anyone?);* Google Android will either piss veteran mobile developers off or open up mobile devices to a whole new generation of developers who have never done mobile development before;* OpenSocial will fall flat on its ass if development doesnt show some progress soon; its been two months since the announcement and Google has yet to produce any substantial developments; and* Google Knol will not work.

Yahoo! is a company in full tailspin. Fortunately for Yahoo!, it still has more traffic than Google and Yahoo! mail still leads over Gmail; thats where the good news ends. affordable roofing . Yahoos strategy has been both confusing and unsuccessful; most of their deviations from their core services have been disasters.Let me translate this: it means that Yahoo! has no strategy; they dont know what the hell theyre doing; theyre spending money like crazy; and theyre praying that God strikes lightning upon one of their startups and creates the next YouTube. This is not the strategy of a brilliant company; this is the strategy of a company that is awash in cash (for the moment) but has no idea how to stay ahead of its competition.

Ive already established that Yahoo! is on the decline, but the second half of my bold prediction for Yahoo! is that it ultimately ends up in the hands of Microsoft. The breakdown of search engine popularity of roughly Google 55%, Yahoo 20%, Live Search 14%.Live Search cant realistically compete with Google given that its service isnt fundamentally better or more compelling than Googles (in fact a recent study shows that Google is still the best at satisfying user queries), thus Microsoft needs to get its users from somewhere; why not buy out the falling star of online search, Yahoo? Or perhaps Microsoft will use its terrific desktop search platform to help expand Live Search online?There is no reason for Microsoft not to buy out Yahoo, and I predict that Microsoft will begin positioning itself to acquire Yahoo in 2008.

Ive always been annoyed by the RoR community, kind of like how I was annoyed by the ColdFusion community when I was first learning classic ASP. kls . When I read about a hot, new technology that isnt even thread-safe, I groan, roll my eyes, and say “oh God not this, again.” Theres more mouth than substance behind it, and the promise of RoR is quickly falling apart. The RoR honeymoon is over, and I predict the start of a slow, agonizing death for RoR in 2008.

Funny cartoon I read today. If only…

Click to see whole strip…

counseling . car dealerships . Invitations . A little bit of Friday humor.

smicap . christian marriage counselling . landscaping companies . Nice spoof of Mac vs PC

Dear Tech Support…Recently I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed that the new program began making unexpected changes to the flower and jewellery applications that operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product brochure. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalls many other valuable programs such as DinnerDancing 7.5, CruiseShip 2.3, and OperaNight 6.1 and installs new, undesirable programs such as PokerNight 1.3, SaturdayFootball 5.0, Golf 2.4 and ClutterEverywhere 4.5. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and invariably crashes the system. Under no circumstances will it run NappyChanging 14.1 or HouseCleaning 2.6. I’ve tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix Husband 1.0, but this all purpose utility is of only limited effectiveness. Can you help?Sincerely, XXXDear XXX:This is a very common problem women complain about, but it is mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 with no idea that Boyfriend 5.0 is merely an ENTERTAINMENT package. However, Husband 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and was designed by its creator to run as few applications as possible. Further, you cannot purge Husband 1.0 and return to Boyfriend 5.0, because Husband 1.0 is not designed to do this. Hidden operating files within your system would cause Boyfriend 5.0 to emulate Husband 1.0, so nothing is gained. It is impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the system, once installed. flowers florist . Any new program files can only be installed once per year, as Husband 1.0 has severely limited memory. Error messages are common, and a normal part of Husband 1.0. In desperation to play some of their ‘old time’ favourite applications, or to get new applications to work, some women have tried to install Boyfriend 6.0, or Husband 2.0.However, these women end up with more problems than encountered with Husband 1.0. Look in your manual under’Warnings: Divorce/Child Support.’ You will notice that this program runs very poorly, and comes bundled with HeartBreak 1.3. I recommend you keep Husband 1.0, and just learn the quirks of this strange and illogical system. Having Husband 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire section regarding General Partnership Faults [GPFs]. Cheap Car Insurance For 1 Day . This is a wonderful feature of Husband 1.0, secretly installed by the parent company as an integral part of the operating system.Husband 1.0 must assume ALL responsibility for ALL faults and problems, regardless of root cause. To activate this great feature enter the …….command ‘C: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME’. Sometimes Tears 6.2 must be run simultaneously while entering the command. Husband 1.0 should then run the applications Apologise 12.3 and Flowers/Chocolates 7.8.TECH TIP! Avoid excessive use of this feature. Overuse can create additional and more serious GPFs, and ultimately YOU may have to give a’ C: I APOLOGIZE ‘ command before the system will return to normal operations. Overuse can also cause Husband 1.0 to default to GrumpySilence 2.5, or worse yet, to Beer 6.0. Beer 6.0 is a very bad program that causes Husband 1.0 to create FatBelly files and SnoringLoudly wave files that are very hard to delete. catering . Save yourself some trouble by following this tech tip! Just remember! The system will run smoothly, and take the blame for all GPFs, but because of this fine feature it can only intermittently run all the applications Boyfriend 5.0 ran. Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.Consider buying additional software to improve performance. I personally recommend HotFood 3.0, Lingerie 5.3 and Patience 10.1. Used in conjunction, these utilities can really help keep Husband 1.0 running smoothly. After several years of use, Husband 1.0 will become familiar and you will find many valuable embedded features such as FixBrokenThings 2.1, Snuggling 4.2 and BestFriend 7.6.A final word of caution! Do NOT, under any circumstances, install Mother-In-Law 1.0.This is not a supported application, and will cause selective shutdown of the operating system. Husband 1.0 will run only Fishing 9.4, Golf6.1 and PubCrawl 5.2 until MotherInLaw 1.0 is uninstalled.I hope these notes have helped. Thank you for choosing to install Husband 1.0 and we here at Tech Support wish you the best of luck in coming years.We trust you will learn to fully enjoy this product!Regards,IT Specialist

online trading . new york divorce attorney . Here is a funny trick to play on the new guy.

Ubuntu Feisty: 0$. Cardboard box: 0$. locksmithing . Duct tape: 1$. Having the bitchin’est case mod this side of the trailer park: priceless.

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